Lions and Tigers and Bitches, Oh My! Mommy Board Drama.

I didn't want to bring this into my author world, but something has happened recently that kinda forced me to. You see I am a mom, I have teen aged boys and a toddler boy. Like most women stuck at home with an infant, I sought community among those who wouldn't roll their eyes or silently judge me as I told the same story for the third time in a row because I was on three hours of sleep cruise control. I found myself on a lovely parenting site, then ended up in a bit of a mixed bag forum. It was called Bargain Hunters, but really was about shooting the shit, advice, complaining, Friday night troll drama, woods head, Irish Spring peen and a whole lotta snark.

It was fun, but controlling, and eventually I was run off. I just can't keep my mouth shut when people are being assholes. It's probably genetic, but at least I'm clever and fun about it.

I found another place, a happy place, somewhere I was proud to call home. Eventually I was run out of there as well, along with my Slutburbia writing partner and brilliant author Virginia Duke. We tried to limp around and find a home but were under constant attack from the second mommy board.

If you haven't had the singular joy that is known as a mommy board, let me fill you in. Essentially you get a mish mash of backgrounds, mostly women, hormones, fatigue, isolation, loneliness, inseurity about your parenting, feelings of inadequacy because you fed your infant mushy peas at 5 months and The Books tell you to wait until 9 months but other Books say give them whole peas but the have to be organic non GMO or you might as well give your precious womb fruit a loaded 9mm to play with oh my god you didn't vaccinate him did you, you monster...yeah, it's a wild ride.

Finally Virginia and I left the parenting site all together, had a merry band of misfits join us and all was right in the world again. Back in February three of us got it in our heads to write novels, Becca Lee Nyx published first, then myself, followed by Virginia. It's fucking amazing what you can get done when you are't consumed with showing some inbred hillbilly mother that she is fucking WRONG for front facing junior's car seat at 9 months GODAMMIT.

We thought we were in the clear. Life was rosy, we gathered momentum with the writing thing and all was forgotten. Until recently, we were brought into it again when we were accused of trolling the fucking pathetic haus fraus we left in the dust. As if. Oh and then Virginia had an abortion, she writes about it in her blog here, and our Facebook group was destroyed by three members. Two I miss, the other was one of those special kinds of stupid who try to defend the use of the N word because she's from the south. I'm Canadian and even I know y'all don't put up with that kind of inbred racism anymore. I mean, openly, but please, keep it to yourselves. It makes you look like a coked out weirdo who don't know who the baby daddy is, yanno

Anyhow, we did get dragged into it again and I've mostly stayed away. Until recently, when I decided to make the move to offer support to a friend in need and found myself back in the shit. According to them I've been busy in the months I've been gone (I mean other than writing TWO novels, writing Slutburbia, starting a bed and breakfast, running another small business, parenting the most active toddler EVER, running my teen boys to every sporting event known to humankind, humping my hubs like a porn star on a regular basis...and working on building an entertaining and informative author presence on social media...for fuck's sake). I must be pulling a Tyler Durden and doing shit while I'm sleeping, because these bitches be fucking cray cray with the accusations they've been bandying about. I've been compared to Satan. Hitler. And most recently a rapist. I shit you not. A fucking rapist. Because I was mean to somebody online once. I am thrilled to tell all y'all that their lives are so pillowy soft that somebody calling them a name on the internet was likened to a brutal, violent, sexual assault. Must be nice to be that sheltered.

So why am I writing this? My author page was found, threats were made to 'expose' me for being a mommy board stalker, they would destroy my career dagnabit.

Uh, ok.

So I ask you dear readers, do you give a shit what I did to somebody on a mommy board over a year ago? Do you care that I called them a mean name and made them question their worth as a human being?

Yeah, I didn't think so. As long as I keep writing the smut and bringing my delicious characters to life and sharing them with you all, I know you don't give two shits.

So there you go mommy board bullies, suck on that for a while. Who are you going to "out" me to? What damage are you going to cause in my writing career with screen shots from some conversation I had with a bat shit crazy mommy a year ago? Nobody and none.

Most importantly, when are you going to move the fuck on and get the fuck over it? How about you start right about...let's coordinate our watches...five, four, three, two, one...and GO!

Now leave me the fuck alone, I've got a book to finish.